Monday, March 22, 2010

Dear Mr. 2

I always wanted to be like my sister. She was beautiful, funny, smart...everything a young teenaged girl hopes to be. All of the girls wanted to be her friend because she was popular, all the guys wanted to be with her because of her looks, stunning. I learned alot from my sister, without her even knowing it. She was totally unaware of the close watch I kept on her. I learned how to hold your breath when taking a toke...learned how to give and receive hickey's, learned not to smoke one cigarette after another unless you wanted to puke. I learned how to bat my eyes at the boys. I learned how push Bertie's buttons to the point of being made to leave the house. That's when it really started, when my sister had done everything she could to get away from stepmother, and I would have given anything to go with her except for one important and absolutley ludicrus turn of events.
I was 11 at this time, things were already hell in my life. I had my 3rd stepmother that was a witch, my sister had been acting up for sometime so she was having to leave, and I was about to make a road trip, to see where she was going. It was no other place than to my real mothers house. Yes, that's right, to the woman who had abandoned us when we were babies, the same one. I was just sick at the thought of it all. I didn't want to meet her, and I sure as heck didn't want my sister, my best friend leaving to go and live with her. But it was going to happen just the same.
I don't remember the trip there at all but I'm sure I was a basket case. I do remember pulling up in front of the house. It was a nice house which I totally didn't expect. Getting out of the car I remember starting to cry because I knew this was the last time I would see my sister (at least in my head and heart it would be the last time). Daddy telling me everything would be alright.....Bertie giving me "shut the hell up" looks as we were walking to the door......and then it happened, the door opened and there she was. How could this be? How could she be beautiful? How could she look so *normal*. The introductions and fake hugs began, and if it wasn't bad enough that the woman was putting her hands on me, there THEY were. My whole world ended at that very second. She had other children. There was her *real* family, the kids that she *wanted*. All I could do was stare. I couldn't move, or speak. Was that so wrong? Was it out of line that I just wanted to get back in the car and leave? But it was just to be the beginning of a very long and miserable day.
My sister was shown her new bedroom, everyone was so nicey nicey, including my daddy. Why wasn't he smacking that woman around? Was he afraid of her new husband? Did he just not care about what she had done to us? Did he forget what she had done???? How could he betray me like this?
It was easy to find a place to just *be* in that house. I stayed away from everyone. Even my sister had befriended the enemy. I was alone. I had been abandoned for the second time in my life and I didn't think I would ever recover. And I don't think I have recovered yet.


  1. Wow. Did not see that one coming.
    Can't believe that what you've been through.
    Hugs mama.

  2. My heart hurts reading this. Hugs to you since, I have no words.

  3. ((Big Huge Hugs)) It takes guts to put all this out there.