"We're Only Playing Cards"

Time means nothing to a little one. A child lives for the moment, and for kisses and hugs from Momma. In my case, my kisses and hugs came from "Nanny", my daddy's momma. She is the one who found us in the trailer house, and she is the one who took us in and made sure we would never need for anything, or at least while it was in her hands. My half brother JC, went to live with his grandma, my mother's mother. She was never my grandma anymore than "Patricia" was my mother. Just there for someone else. My sister and I spent the next 2 years with Nanny and Daddy Jack (my grandpa, 1/2 Cherokee Indian and a very gentle, loving man). Then the cycle started all over again when my daddy met the next love of his life, Jane.


I don't have alot of memory from that time, I was still a little thing, but I do have a few. The first one, when I think back on it really makes me mad, only because by the time I could look back and understand what was happening, well, there was no matter to mention it. I was about 4 years old, my sister was at school, my daddy was a work and I remember being in the living room, alone. There was a knock on the door and I answered it, immediately after, Jane was behind me greeting the strange man. She asked him in and they started down the hall toward her's and daddy's bedroom. As she was walking away she looked over her shoulder and said, "We're going in my room to play cards". I asked if I could come watch and of course I was turned down. I was just relieved that I didn't get in big trouble for playing in that jar of vaseline I had in my hands!


The next memory of her I was still around 4 and it is a little disturbing to me. We had moved and were in a nice house as I remember it. There was a screen door on the front door and I remember thinking that was one of the best thing's in the world. It was raining that night, raining hard. I even remember the thunder. I'm not sure where daddy was, probably at work since that was all he did to give his family everything they needed. I was standing at the front screen door, crying. Apparantly I had gotten a puppy, and this puppy was outside somewhere and I was so scared for it. I wanted my puppy, I needed my puppy. The next thing I knew I was being whirled around and slapped hard across my face and being told to "Shut that damn crying up, the dog is fine". Oh my face hurt. What a shock that was. My heart was broken. but I still remember thinking, "You said a bad word". I left the front door and went into my bedroom, trying not cry to loud.


The only other memory I have of that woman is the day that my daddy loaded my sister and me up in the car and we were headed back home, back home to Nanny!! I don't have many memories of Jane, and I think I should be thankful for that because the 3 I do have, well you read them.